Day 21: Carlsbad Caverns and West Texas

As mentioned before, we ended up camping in Brantley Lake State Park. The NPS website for Carlsbad Caverns lists free backcountry camping, as long as you're a half mile from the road (the backcountry road, at that). Ultimately I decided that was not for us. I couldn't have been more right. I didn't drive down the backcountry road, so I suppose it could be different, but the land right around the caverns is possibly the hardest I saw on the trip. Some of the land up in Utah appeared to be nothing but dirt. But this appeared to be nothing but rocks and cactus, as far as the eye can see (although I'm sure there are rattlesnakes too). While driving to the visitors center I looked around to see if there were any clear areas the size of our tent, but I saw just rocks and cacti. And "No Overnight Camping" signs.

I convinced Kiddo that we should walk down the ramp and enter the cave via the natural entrance, then take the elevator back up. She likes elevators, but it would mean missing a decent stretch of the cave, especially the part where you descend into the mouth of the cave and eventually walk away from the natural light.

So I don't have a lot of good Caverns pictures because my current camera is awful. To be specific, it's extra awful in low-light situations, like "in a cave", "at night", "indoors", or "anything that is not outside in the middle of a sunny afternoon". It's a point and shoot from 2004. It *finally* got put out to pasture, only its replacement broke, a fact that was discovered right before this trip. So it's back. I'm a little hung up on trying to make another big trip next year, only this time with a more awesomer blog and a kickstarter page... so maybe a new one next year...

Kiddo was scared in the cave. Not overwhelmed or anything, but was NOT interested in letting go of my hand, even for me to take a picture of something. Maybe it was ok that the camera didn't work so well in the cave, then...

Kiddo actually got a bit bored too. We took the natural entrance down to the "big room", then did the loop through the big room. I hurried us through because she was getting bored and feisty.

Oddly, over the next few days (I would much prefer I had written all of these in a timely fashion, but there are benefits to being late with it, and one of them is tying in small pieces of information from later in the trip) she talked up the caverns, and drew pictures of them (well, drew them in Powder Game, which is sort of like  interactive temporary art on the internet). I think that it was a really neat thing for her to do, and unlike anything else she's experienced, but not necessarily fun while it's happening.

On our way from the ticket station to the entrance, we stopped at an activity station and made a little foam bat finger puppet. She named it Rainbow. Well, Rainbow went through the whole cave with us, but we lost her when we came back up and sat to finish the Junior Ranger book. We'd left the Visitors Center and were on our way back to the main road when I get asked "Where's my bat?" It was one of those moments as a parent where you want to just say 'sorry, we really shouldn't turn around just for a little piece of foam, and why didn't you take good care of it anyway' but the right answer is 'we're both going to have a miserable time unless we spend a measly 15 minutes going back for that thing, so let's go'.
We couldn't find Rainbow in the visitors center and went back to the activity table... where they were doing something else. But we talked to them and the nice lady left to get the finger puppet activity stuff, and Rainbow got herself a new bat body, and all was well with the universe.

This was going to be the one night on the trip that we stayed in a hotel. So we didn't have an exact destination set, just a few towns alongside I-20 in Texas that we'd find a place at. I actually sent a text to Facebook and Twitter asking for help finding the cheapest place, but Facebook decided my text should be a private message to someone, not a status update. But regardless, our Colorado host (honestly, if I'm going to do this pseudo anonymity thing I probably should have given everyone nicknames) texted me almost immediately with information. It was cool. And so I got to use the internet for the first time in awhile, courtesy of hotel wifi (which I have noticed is the number one thing mentioned on hotel signs these days).

Day 20: White Sands and Brantley Lake State Park

In the morning I was giving Kiddo a bath and I wasn't sure where our hosts were - whether they were both out or possibly behind the closed bedroom door. My phone rang, and it was our hosts - their car had broken down and they were wondering if I could pick them up (they were close enough to walk, but it's hot in New Mexico and he did have work coming up that morning). So we helped them out with that before heading out in the morning.

Carlsbad Caverns is in southeast New Mexico, and the way from Las Cruces conveniently goes by White Sands National Monument. First, we had to stop at a border checkpoint. Hey, good job putting that 80 miles from the border, guys. And that 80 miles totally includes Las Cruces, an actual city. Also, good job not checking my car or license because I'm a white guy with a white kid. I totally had an illegal immigrant in my trunk that I took into White Sands with me. I mean shit, next big trip I should totally do a side job of running drugs. I could probably make good money that way. 

So hey, White Sands! Let me tell you about it. It's got sand that is... white! No really.

I wouldn't plan a cross-country trip around it, but if it's somewhat on the way (aka your trip involves both Carlsbad Caverns and something west of it), it's totally worth a stop. It's cool. You drive in and play on white sand dunes. I never wear sunglasses... this was a rare occasion in which I wanted them. I think they rent things for you to slide down the dunes like it's snow. We probably should have done that but didn't.

Just like at the beach you have to shake the sand out of your shoes. Even though we did that before leaving the park, we still left a bit of white sand at future stops when we took our shoes off.

So we kept driving east, and we didn't make it to the Carlsbad area in time to get into the cave in the evening - I had considered going in both the evening and the next morning. That's definitely something that works for Junior Ranger books, picking them up in the evening then doing the bulk of the park visit the next day. However, our campground was about an hour away from the park, so we weren't going to do that just for the book. 

We camped at Brantley Lake State Park. We paid $8 to use the primitive campground (one of two campgrounds we paid for). The campground is aptly named ("Rocky Bay"), so I wasn't exactly kind to the stakes. But it also means it was easy to access the lake. After we set up the tent, we changed to bathing suits and went down to the water to try swimming. You'd think that July in New Mexico would be hot, but the storm front changed that. It wasn't too hot, and the wind made swimming too chilly for me. We mostly just sat on the first rocks in the water while sunset approached.

We had encountered some desert rain on the way to Las Cruces the day before, and a downpour that same night in the city. Storms were brewing all day and I was worried about torrential rain while we were in the tent. After we got back to the tent lightning started; we sat on the trunk and watched it a bit before bed.

Day 19: Las Cruces, New Mexico

From Phoenix we were off to Las Cruces, New Mexico. A 6 hour drive. Phoenix and the surrounding area had the big picturesque cacti, so that was neat.

We got a bit of a later start than I wanted with a longish drive ahead, but it worked out. Our couchsurfing host called us and said he had to work until 9ish, but that his fiancee would be home at 5 something. So she was there when we pulled up. We socialized for a few minutes, then she said her dance class got moved to that night, and would it be ok if she went? I said yes, and so we were completely alone in their apartment within 30 minutes of arrival. It's neat to meet someone so trusting.

I cooked dinner. Kiddo watched a movie and spazzed out about not wanting any of her available food choices. I thought I was making the quinoa I made way more attractive to her by having cut up baby corn and olives to put with it... but she still rejected the whole thing. Apparently olives are awesome, baby corn is awesome, but don't mix them. Got it.

My hosts were in their early 20s (but still had all the Saved by the Bell dvds!) and are going to have a mixed-faith wedding ceremony. She is a Christian; he was but converted to Islam a few years ago. Despite my fairly significant feeling of sleep deprivation, he and I stayed up late talking, most centering on ethics and life. He steered the conversation towards abortion... I get the feeling that he likes bringing that up with couchsurfers (maybe all the time, or maybe only if he's looking for a good topic of conversation). I couldn't tell how much he wanted to get a different perspective vs how much he wanted to spar, because I got both those feelings at various points. Anyway, I was sleepy but mostly made the points I wanted to make, despite my ineloquence. I don't think it's a 'winnable' topic (if there even is such a thing) if you're treating it like a debate. It's always going to come down to a few core beliefs that aren't going to be easily changed.

Rare external link! Will the Fetus Be Aborted by Jello Biafra and Mojo Nixon. Enjoy.

Day 18: Phoenix and Interpersonal relationship things

It's hard to sleep in while camping. The sun comes up, shit gets bright, and your tent gets hot inside (but if you left the windows open, you'd be cold all night, right?). So back to the Canyon we went.
The Junior Ranger program at Grand Canyon mandates a ranger-guided program in addition to the booklet, so we went for the ecology talk. Kiddo was miserable. She just wanted a pencil to work on her book, but I had lost the pencil in the car, and we were running late so we didn't stop by the visitors center to get a new one. So she didn't really pay much attention to anything the ranger said. He mostly talked about wildlife around the canyon. California condors kept flying by, which is pretty cool - they're giant birds and pretty rare, but we actually saw three at once. Nine and a half foot wingspan!

So we were off to Phoenix, where we were staying with an old high school friend of my partner. They haven't seen in each other in over a decade, and the two of us had never met. But it seemed potentially awesome, and someone I've heard about before, and therefore more interesting than a Couchsurfing host. 

We were at around 4000 miles on the trip, and we were getting in town mid-afternoon, so we stopped to get the oil changed. While we were there, they pointed out an oil leak, and we ended up getting something fixed. So Kiddo and I spent two and a half hours in the damn Meineke. It was too hot to really want to walk far, but we did venture out a bit. Unfortunately the plaza was mostly barren. We went to a Reptile Shop, saw some cool critters... and then talked about how they're not great pets because the reptiles don't get anything out of the deal, and their cages are too small.

Anyway, we arrived. The kids met each other and hit it off. I played chess with the 8 year old (he has too much of an aversion to losing pieces, to the point that he won't do even trades). I enjoyed talking to my partner's old friend (although we didn't really trade stories about my partner like I thought we would).

So I need to backtrack on the trip to provide background, even though this post is going to be long and all text because I have no pictures that would match this part of the content.

We stayed in Colorado 4 nights (compared to just one night everywhere else except the Badlands) because our friends there are awesome, and because I have a pretty new romantic relationship with one of them. She and I haven't had a talk where we labeled what's going on (although we had a so-21st century conversation by text about how neither of us has figured out how to talk about it in the blog that the other one reads). It's new and exciting and as yet undefined (other than the long distance). So... I don't know what form it will settle into, but it's a situation that makes me happy. I'm happy when I'm with her, and generally when I think about her I get a good feeling, where I miss her but not in a way that hurts or makes me unhappy... because it just makes me think of the connection we have and how it's awesome.

I say "generally" above because I have had some spots of vulnerability on this trip. And at those times, the missing/happy feelings I get about people can become missing/sad feelings.

So I had this amazing time in Colorado, and then left for a way too long car ride to meet old Internet friends in Utah. The kiddo did great, but lost it by the end (and lost it bad). We got there at 7:something, had dinner, and hung out. Normally I'd get Kiddo settled in bed and hang out more, but we were staying in a smaller building on the property (the main house is really cool but has some very excitable dogs in it). So when 10:30 or so rolled around and Kiddo tried to use an atlas as a blanket on my lap, I knew we had to call it a night. So after a short respite from a hard day, I was basically alone on the internet. I missed being in Colorado, I missed being home, and I missed the people I would have been with in those places. I was lonely.

The next night we camped in Bryce. Another long, hard day in the car, but the actual canyon was amazing and I was in good spirits. But loneliness crept in again at night. I can travel alone pretty well, but I think traveling with Kiddo can really make me crave adult company and adult intimacy (not necessarily sex, but that is also not necessarily excluded).

After Bryce came Vegas, and that was also a stop with old Internet friends. And both stops were awesome - these were people I started interacting with almost 13 years ago - it was great to meet in person. I still couldn't completely shake the loneliness at night though, especially camping again the next night. It's just me and Kiddo in the tent, and she'll fall asleep and I'll text and miss the comforts of existing relationships.

My partner's old friend in Phoenix had also been lonely and missing out on affection in recent times. So after wine, and conversation, and pot, it was late and we were close on the couch. We made some tentative physical contact, and then talked about being interested in nonsexual cuddling. And so we cuddled, and it was great. It helped shake off my loneliness for awhile, and I hope it did the same for her.
There was some awkwardness in it, because there was still some sexual tension (even with the lack of sexual intent), or at least I felt some. But the awkwardness was small compared to the pleasant intimacy of it.
When my partner and I talked about it the next day, she said it helped her feel closer to me and my trip. And I think it did the same for me - helped me feel closer to home.

And now, writing this a few days later, I'm again feeling the warm and happy version of missing the wonderful people that I miss. And that makes me smile.

Day 17: Grand Canyon

We left Vegas and headed east. During preliminary trip research, I realized Vegas to Grand Canyon goes right by the Hoover Dam. In fact, until very recently, Route 93 went right over the dam. Obviously that sucked for traffic flow, so they made a ginormous bypass bridge. You can still drive over the dam from the Nevada side, but not for through traffic... you have to double back and then go over the giant bridge.

Practically it doesn't make much sense to me - it's free to drive over the dam and/or walk on it, but tours are expensive. You also possibly pay to park in a convenient garage on the Nevada side, with free parking after you've crossed. Why not open it to through traffic but slap a toll on there, or an entrance fee with your vehicle? And/or roll into the National Park Service?

Anyway, I did the research before the trip but assumed it would be something that interested me and not Kiddo, so I kind of wrote it off. However, on the drive I explained it to her, and she said she wanted to see the big dam. So we drove through security (surprise, a white dude with his white kid didn't have his car searched) and drove over Hoover Dam. I parked and took a picture. Kiddo elected to stay in the car. And then we were off.

I explained I'd probably be a little scared going over the big bridge (I get a bit nervous but do remain completely functional while driving on tall bridges) and Kiddo said we should hold hands. It was really cute. She's been really awesome about wanting to hold my hand at high places.

So we drove to the Grand Canyon. We were going to camp for the night in the National Forest outside the National Park, and we figured it would be best to set up the tent then head into the park, but the road we planned on appears to be currently unmarked - so I missed it and we got to the park gates. So we came to the rim of the canyon (ok let's get it over with, every one of these parks keeps talking about the rim and the rim trail, and I am with my 5 year old so I can't make stupid childish jokes about rim trails BUT NOW I AM ACKNOWLEDGING IT so brain can you please leave me alone now?) and checked it out.

The Grand Canyon is just too damn big, I think. It's so wide and deep and just... big that you can barely even process all you're seeing (at least when you have a kid you're keeping your eye on). Then you realize the thing is miles and miles long... kinda boggles the mind. 

I didn't really know what to do here. The trails down would be too long (and too stressful re: heights). Anyway, tonight it didn't really matter, we had to get going and find our campsite before it got dark. But of course we did pick up a Junior Ranger book (and I love how she loves to do them right next to the scenic vistas).

Fortunately the National Forest station was right by the road, and so we stopped for a map. Fortunately I knew what I was looking for. So we found the road, and a quarter mile from the highway we passed the sign "camping permitted beyond this point". I picked a spot near a pine tree and set up. It was a gorgeous place.

Day 16: Zion and Vegas

We woke up in Bryce, packed up the tent, and did a ranger program for kids about bats. Kiddo got to play both roles in a 'blindfolded bat tries to catch a moth' game, and she really seemed to dig that. Then we were in the car and off to Vegas.

I kept seeing Zion National Park mentioned in NPS literature, but after the bulk of trip planning had happened. However, I realized it was near Bryce Canyon, and not even very far out of the way (well, at least on a map). So... we took a detour through the park.

There's a pretty neat scenic drive, including an incredibly long tunnel. Unfortunately if RVs or other oversized vehicles are coming through the tunnel, you'll get to sit and wait. Awhile. Kiddo was still feeling the effect of too much driving the previous few days and said she didn't want to go to another park, she just wanted to make it to the city. But she perked up at the idea of walking on a trail.

Zion allows parking in a few places but makes you take a shuttle up the main canyon. We parked, got a junior ranger book, watched the park movie, and hopped the shuttle up the canyon. It was brutally hot. The museum listed the previous day's high at 105, if I remember right... I can't find the actual recorded temperature for that day (weather.com seems to list the top of the canyon, where it's cooler), but it was just downright brutal on us for our hike. Also, kiddo fell before we even got on the trail, so I was carrying her more than usual. Factor in those two things and it was hard to even make it to the end of the 'easy' trail. But we did, and it was worth it. There was a waterfall (possibly all coming from inside rock rather than over the top, unsure) and a pool. A nice little oasis at the end of the trail.

Zion has some really crazy trails that would be wildly inappropriate for someone scared of heights and for a kid... and especially the combination. We didn't go all the way up the canyon, so I don't think I have a very good sense of the park as a whole, nor do I think I have very representative pictures. Ideally I would like to come back here with an older child (or no child), but regardless I'd like to spend a bit more time in it.

We pulled into Vegas later than I had hoped, at 6:something local time (and that was after shifting from Mountain to Pacific). I knew visiting Vegas for one night with a 5 year old in tow was going to be different than I always figured visiting would be like, but we didn't even go to Vegas proper. Our hosts were in North Las Vegas, and we pretty much just ate dinner and hung out while Kiddo relaxed by watching Fantasia. I had hoped for a drive down The Strip (wanted to show the fountains to Kiddo), but it just didn't seem worth forcing.

As amusing as it is, Vegas is the westernmost part of this trip. Had the trip been two days longer we could have made it to the Pacific, but we didn't have those two days, and seeing California just didn't seem that important to me - I've done it before. But at some point on the trip I started wondering if I can truly call it a "cross-country" trip (you know, if I'm trying to be a purist or something). I decided that making it to Pacific time counts. So there. From Vegas, east!

Day 15: Bryce Canyon

So we drove a kind of diagonal slash across Utah, going from the Uinta Basin to Bryce Canyon. We checked fire info online first, and the route looked ok. Nonetheless, it was still kind of unnerving the first time we drove through a random canyon and lost cell reception. There wasn't exactly a lot of people around, and the heat would be pretty brutal to walk some distance for help with a 5 year old. And... forest fires around. Not cool. Still, at this point of the trip canyons were still kind of novel (as the trip would go on, though, they became routine or even annoying - no cell service, after all).

We drove through one forested area that had several smoldering, smokey sites... so you could see exactly where the smoke was coming from, but no flames. Later in the day, we could see massive plumes of smoke rising from distant mountains. 

This was the second day of driving since Boulder, and the second brutally long day - over 6 hours, following a 7 hour day. This is too much for a 5 year old. She did ok, but we were really struggling and fighting by the end. We finally rolled into the national forest (which I'd like to look into camping in next time) that seems to inevitably be outside the national park, and it's part of a pretty strikingly red canyon (aptly named... Red Canyon).

So Bryce is a busier national park than the Badlands. They have a shuttle system that their website pushes, but we didn't run into any parking problems. But there were still a lot of people around. The camping is $15 a night and felt very utilitarian to me. There are bathrooms, which is always nice, but other than that I preferred the wide open and rustic Badlands campground. This was cramped, yet still gave you an isolating feeling, where the Badlands campground felt more communal... perhaps simply because you did have more space if you wanted it. 

After we set up the tent, we went off to finally see the canyon. We drove to one of the points, which happened to also be the trailhead for the Navajo Loop Trail. We took some pictures, then at Kiddo's urging started down the trail. Again I underestimated her and us - she historically was just not a hiker, so I kept saying I didn't think we'd do the whole thing. We also had to deal with my fear of heights - I am scared of heights that have no railing or other adequate safety features... and my fear gets a little crazy when my daughter is around that kind of situation. She handled it beautifully - I kept telling her I was going to be scared, and I kept asking her to promise she'd hold my hand the whole time. She kept promising, and she was great about it. We accidentally chose the less scary direction for the way down, which was good. Less scenic, but a good warmup. 

So we get to the bottom, and after you get through a narrow gap in between two hoodoos (see above), you're out at the canyon bottom. Kiddo was just thrilled. She was bouncing around yelling "This is awesome!" and just having a great time.

I had some trouble with fear on the way back up, so I wasn't particularly good at turning and admiring the view, but we did alright for ourselves. Also, dark wasn't far off, and there was sleep to be had.